Hey guys! Thanks for dropping by. I held a poll on my Instastory to figure out what the next blog post (this post) should be.
It was between this topic, the importance of mom friends, and how to stay sane with 2 kids.
Both topics I am super passionate about but I am very excited that this was the one that was chosen and I am really happy about the turnout I got from the poll. You guys are da bomb!
I am going to start by stating that when I first became a mom there were no such things as “mom friends” I was 16 so most of my friends did not have kids so I never thought having mom friends were important. Boyyyyyyyy, was I wrong!! Don’t get me wrong, my friends without kids were awesome but once you and all your friends turn 18 and can officially go clubbing (or Belushi’s in Lawrenceville, GA at 16 LOL- don’t worry, it is closed now) it is tough to just say YES, LET’S GO!! I had a child. I had to ask permission to see if my mom would take care of my son. It was not a burden at all, I don’t want people thinking I hate my children. But it wasn’t a “Hey mom! I’ll be out late tonight, don’t wait up!” It was a “Hey mom, do you think it would be alright if you kept Caleb for the night (because I’d get home at like 3am), I will get all his snacks, food and bottles ready?” BUT STILL have that anxiety of “are people going to think I am a horrible mother for being out with my friends?”. It was tough and as much as I tried to hide it I am sure it showed.
After high school, my best friend (who did not have a kid at the time but was understanding of me having Caleb) and I began hanging out with two other girls from high school that also had kids. I was thrilled!! Finally, someone who knows my struggle. The 4 of us did EVERYTHING together, kids in tow. Unless we were partying but even then I did not feel weird asking my mom to babysit because I knew my friends had to do the same! It was so nice to have friends that understood me and I could understand them. I couldn’t possibly lose them, could I?
I started dating a guy who I honestly thought I was going to marry. OMG GROSS. I know. I cannot possibly even fathom the thought of me thinking of marrying anyone else but my husband. He was the first guy I had a serious relationship with after Caleb’s biological father and he had a decent relationship with Caleb so I thought, this is it! We were together for about 3-4 years. I was insecure, he was jealous but also liked to see other women so it was a very complicated situation. My mom began to hate me because she hated him and so did the rest of my family and I fell out with my best friends for this guy because he assumed my guy best friend was trying to sleep with me at all times and he thought my girl best friend wasn’t a great influence on me because she would ask me to go out and party or go to dinner (FUCKING DINNER). I believed him, I thought he knew what was best for me. How could I? WTF WAS WRONG WITH ME!!!!! Internally I know I was shouting at myself but I couldn’t go against what he wanted. It felt like it was worse to not have him than to have him and be miserable. I lost all of my friends. I lost myself but I had him and I felt like that was my life. THIS MY FRIENDS, is the definition of being trapped.
We FINALLY broke up after I caught him with another woman (again) and I found the strength to throw all his shit out onto the lawn. I was so proud of myself even though I was crying, I was so so freakin proud of myself.
There I was. Alone. With no friends. Just me (and Caleb).
My best guy friend and I have made up and still hang out and talk from time to time. We are both adults trying to get through school and work so that gets in the way of seeing each other every single weekend like we used to. My girl best friend though.. If I could, I would turn it all around. She
was is one of the greatest friends anyone could have. I still have her in my life, as an acquaintance, she came to my wedding and I wish there was so much I could tell her because I am so proud of who she is and I always have been. I will get the courage to talk to her soon. I promise.
As Caleb got older and started elementary school I was really exciting to meet some mom friends. I had other friends but I was still missing that aspect of having that bond with someone else. Weird, I know but if you’re a mom you just kinda know what I am talking about.
Caleb’s 5th birthday party was coming up and I was so excited to meet all his friends and their parents for the party. Caleb came home on Wednesday before the party and let me know that one of his friends couldn’t come to the party, I just said okay that’s fine buddy but he was really sad about it. I asked him why was he so sad about this girl not being able to come to his party. He said, “She said she can’t come because her mom said that you are a bad influence because you are too young and don’t have a husband.” *Jaw Drops* What? Was someone judging me for being a young single parent? And even if they were why were they taking it out on my child? The day of Caleb’s party came and no one from school showed up. Luckily, he was not upset because he has a lot of cousins and aunts and uncles who were close to his age too. I just couldn’t believe it. Did they all not come for the same reason? Why didn’t they like me or want to give me a chance? Screw them. I hate moms. I hate other moms because they are so judgmental and I just cannot even fucking deal.
Like yo, I just wanted to get together and chat over alcoholic beverages and talk shit about our kids together… is this not what moms do together?
Funny story is that my coworker is a mom and was a new mom during this time and we got along but we never really hung out outside of work until she left the company. I think we both realized we were more than work friends and really do enjoy each others company. She was my maid of honor in 2017 and we attempt to meet for lunch on Thursdays and we are like 1 for 3 since the start of the year. #MomLife
I didn’t meet another mom friend until Caleb was in 2nd grade. We hung out all the time! She was younger like me and we could bond over not having other mom friends. The next mom friend I met wasn’t until the next year in 3rd grade at the baseball field. We are still friends now and she is about to give birth to her 3rd child any day now. The next mom friend I met was through my baseball mom friend. They were friends and now we are all friends. I have a supportive husband who is friends with their husbands. Now, we are parent friends, family friends because our kids all hang out!
It has gotten easier since then because I found that I can relate to other moms and it doesn’t matter our age or how many kids we have. I have other mom friends now that we all see on occasion and now that I am getting older some of my older friends have started having kids and that is super exciting!
Fast forward to today and this is what me and my mom friends now do:
We sit around enjoying each others company as the kids play, we drink alcoholic beverages, and YES, we talk shit about our kids together. OBVIOUSLY, we talk about all the great things our children do but for the most part it is a time for us to bond. It is a time for us to vent. It is a time for us to talk about things we would not want to talk to our husbands about or we would rather seek advice from each other on how to talk to our husbands about. We all have different parenting styles and I loveeeeee being able to pick up certain teachings that I wouldn’t have thought to do with my own children. I love watching my friends grow their family because I am no longer growing mine (and I am totally okay with that). We talk about how our kids are obsessed with video games or how our kids are starting to walk and talk. We talk about our kid’s fears and share advice on how to help them overcome it and follow it with I just wish my child would stop being a little bitch and suck it up but Ima try that method. Thanks girl 😉
These are the friends who come over just to help you clean up the playroom.
These are the friends you call as soon as the baby falls asleep or the kids get on the bus to get a little gossip time.. even if it is only 10 minutes because the baby is fussy and gassy and keeps waking up to try and poop.
These are the friends that let you take a nap and will watch your baby for a little because she has been there before and knows you would do the same for her.
These are the friends that clean up your child’s throw up or don’t mind lending you an extra onsie or entire outfit because of an accident. I do not feel the need to leave my mom friends house or event because my child had a huge freakin blowout in her diaper because I am not embarrassed because she knows what It is like.
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, These are the friends that help you clean up after a party. I cannot stress this one enough lol no disrespect to my friends without kids but LAWD knows none of yall even throw your own plates away at a party like if you’re at your mom’s house.
We can go for days without talking, maybe weeks but we all know we are just a text or phone call away. I could not imagine not having my sanity the way I do now. Having mom friends as a mom is like the greatest gift from God (or whatever higher power you believe in). It is so important for your mental health which will help your physical and emotional health.
The best part about being a mom (besides the kids) are mom friends. Leave a comment below as to why you LOVE your mom friends 🙂